Severus and Hermione FanFiction Cliches
by ThunderSpeak
Summary: We've all seen them. The Severus/Hermione pairings that use the same plots and ideas OVER and over again. A list of short stories to represent said cliches. Disclaimer; I love this pairing! No flames!


Severus and Hermione FanFiction Cliches  
_by  
_Thunderspeak

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING.

AN: Pretty please review and you shall get cookies!

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1. _Snape and Hermione Granger suddenly realize how attractive the other one is. _

"Miss Granger? Please stay after class," the bat-like professor says, eyeing the brunette with a sneer.

During class, he had suddenly noticed how beautiful she was. Despite her being a student and it being ethically and legally wrong, Severus craves for her. In the blink of an eye, she is gorgeous and mature. Nothing like the know-it-all youngster she was five days previously.

Hermione Granger walks up. "Yes, Professor?"

She had been watching the professor, and despite his beady eyes and hawk nose, she decides he is utterly sexy. Harry and Ron said she didn't have a sexual bone in her body, but Severus brings the passion out of her.

Also, his intelligence makes her hot.

"Miss Granger, it has come to my attention that you are a woman now, and…" he doesn't quite know how to finish that sentence. What is he to say? Hermione moves herself closer to him, her heart beating quickly.

Oh, how she wants to drag him into his bedroom and ravish him!

"Professor, why don't we continue this conversation _elsewhere_," she nods towards his bedroom door. Severus is hit with unexpected lust and loss of common sense, and picks up his student and carries her to his bed.

_One hour later…_

Hermione is panting. Severus was a god of sex! Despite the fact that he is moody, introverted, and waspish, he has some amazing experience. Severus is next to her and realizes that she is the only one for him.

Forgetting momentarily that his character does not reveal his feelings and isn't sentimental, he whispered to her, "Hermione, you are beautiful. I love you."

Hermione was then hit with an epiphany that she loved him too! Wow, good shag does things to the mind.

And ignoring the numerous blockades to a possible relationship, such as age, and clashing of personalities; they made wild love once again.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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2. _Hermione becomes his apprentice_.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yes. Professor?"

"You will be my apprentice." His tone was no-nonsense. Hermione was befuddled.

"But sir, I don't like potions. And you've never had an apprentice before…"

"It doesn't matter. Despite being a know-it-all, I have realized you are smarter that any student I have ever taught." Severus seemed to have forgotten he doesn't give out compliments. And that he hates Gryffindor's.

"Oh, thank you professor! I guess I'll just tell Harry and Ron they must defeat Voldemort on their own now! Career opportunities always come first…"

"Good Miss Granger…."

_6 months later…_

"Sir, after spending time with you, I have realized you are secretly a great person."

"And I, you."

"I love you. The way your fingers make potions… it's enticing. Have you ever thought of being a concert pianist?"

"Why no. But I love you too, my beautiful apprentice."

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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3. _Dumbledore sets them up. _

"Severus. You will give private tutoring lessons to Hermione." For some reason, Hermione is _not doing well in a class._ Plot hole, #1.

"No! Why, I hate her!"

Under his breath as he sucks on a lemon drop, "Not for long…"

"What, Headmaster?"

"Nothing Severus. You must do as I tell you. You will always be my pawn for the greater good, despite the harm it brings to you."

Severus left the office, mumbling, "Manipulative bastard…"

Dumbledore sat pleased with himself. He just had a _feeling_ that Severus and Hermione were soul mates. They were so cute when they bickered.

_One week later…_

Severus see's a natural talent in Hermione as she brews the Draught of living Death, and this make him hot. As he hands her the bean sprout, their hands touch, and an electric current passes between the two.

They do not come out of the dungeons for 9 days, where Hermione realizes Severus has a great body (because teaching takes strenuous effort). During this, no one notices or like Ron and Harry, they suspect Malfoy did something but are too lazy to take action.

Dumbledore is throwing a party.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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4. _Marriage law. _

Hermione groans. The ministry has randomly decided to create a law to force all mud bloods to marry purebloods, for some reason she understood but hates. And of course, she can't marry Ron or any other pure blood she knows and likes, because it would _compromise_ their relationship.

So, she thinks of her Potions Professor! His face just appears in her mind out of the blue.

"Professor. Will you marry me to abide to the marriage law?"

He grunts in a sexy way. "Fine. But not because I am secretly noble, but because I need a good old lay." Hermione beams, forgetting that she was rather stingy in the sexual area.

"Of course! Let's get married today!"

"I won't enjoy this…"

_5 months later_

Hermione and Severus live in a big mansion in the middle of nowhere, bought with the apparently enormous amounts of money Severus has. (On a teacher's salary?)

After spending so much time together as Husband and Wife, Severus and Hermione have realized they really love each other. Neither of them tells the other though, in fear of unrequited love.

So they just stick to having "casual" sex every night, and one night, Hermione accidentally blurts out, "I love you."

"Oh, lovely girl, I love you too! I love the sun on your hair, the twinkle in your eyes, oh how thy lady lays her cheek upon her hand…"

"How romantic! I never knew you read Shakespeare!" she says, gushing as if that isn't the most nauseating thing ever.

"Apparently I do," he says, glaring at the author of the Fanfiction.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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5. _She finds him hurt among the corridors, and nurses him back to health. _

Severus has just returned from a death eaters' meeting. The Dark Lord was angry about something (failblog: VOLDEMORT- THE IMMORTAL VIRGIN), so he takes it out on Severus of all death eaters.

Severus just can't find the strength to make it all the way to his room, so he collapses on the floor in front of the Gryffindor common room.

Hermione, taking a late night walk for some unknown reason (BOOKS), sees him and gasps. Poor Professor! And instead of alerting Madam Pomfrey, she aids him herself, taking him into his bedroom and bandaging him up.

He awakes, angry. "What are you doing here?"

"Fixing you." Hermione is feeling immense pity. She just now realizes he is such an honorable man for risking his life as a spy. She feels sudden respect.

"Well go away foolish girl. My injuries aren't that bad anyways."

"…Sir, your lung was punctured and you have a broken leg."

"I feel nothing! Leave!"

_2 weeks later..._

Severus decides to do something unexpected. "Miss Granger… I am sorry for my lack of gratitude. You saved my life, and I am now in your debt."

They become friends. Soon, they realize how much they have to talk about, despite the 20 year age difference…

_3 months later_

"My little lion…" he coo's to her, as Hermione smiles. Oh, how she loves Slytherins' now! And forget Ron and Harry, who are very angry at her. They mean nothing to her compared to Severus, despite the long seven years of friendship between them.

"My little Sevvy!" and for some reason, he allows her to call him that.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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6. _Time travel, she meets the teen Severus and they fall in love. _

Hermione swirls through time, and crashes into a corridor. She hears foot steps, and looks up to see a familiar face. _Oh no, it's her Potions Professor. And he's…hot!?_

"What are you doing out so late?"

"I'm a new student. Can you help me?" she makes up on the spot.

"If I must," he says grudgingly, but Severus already sees something special in Hermione. He wants to shag her.

"I will take you to Dumbledore to be examined. You look rather retarded."

"Hey!"

_Two seconds later..._

"Well, Miss Granger it seems you have traveled through time. We will enroll you in classes and just go with the flow!" Dumbledore says smiling. Hermione is missing home already, but is filled with excitement at meeting Sirius and James as teenagers.

She had heard they were rather hot.

Hermione is conveniently placed in the bed next to Lilly Evans, and they hit it off! She is introduced to James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter and they all become fast friends. Hermione automatically hates Peter though, forgetting that he hasn't _done_ anything yet.

Despite her friendship to them, she finds her self drawn to the brilliant loner, Severus Snape. He is the resident bad boy.

Soon they are talking in private, and Severus realizes his feelings for Lilly are nonexistent!

So, she dates Severus and they fall in love. Hermione even forgets that she will eventually go back to the future! (Or forward?)

One day, she just disappears, and teen Severus is scarred for life. When she meets Severus 20 years older, she still loves him, but he is suddenly stingy with her! Hermione wonders why; _I mean, I only disappeared without any notice, crushing his heart and causing him to be the horrible man he is now… and was gone for 20 years…_

_But why doesn't he love me??? _

Severus eventually realizes he still loves her, and they get together. Hermione forgets that 20 years typically changes a person. Miraculously, Severus hasn't changed at all! In fact, she loves him even more now.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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_7. Mary-sue Hermione_

Hermione has a great voice, dancing skills, or some other talent that has never been mentioned, and Severus "conveniently" finds out about it, making him enamored with her.

Throughout the Fanfiction she is talented, beautiful, saves the day, kills Voldemort through her genius, and displays Slytherin qualities.

Severus silently watches and realizes he loves Hermione (despite not having a conversation that didn't end with the loss of Gryffindor house points). Little does he know, Hermione loves him too!

They eventually meet in awkward situations (broom closet anyone?), and their lust takes over. The readers just want them to do it already, but the author wants an actual plot so they string it out until a climax where either Severus or Hermione's life is in danger, or another man/woman comes into the picture.

Finally, they admit their feeling and HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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_8. Five years after war, they meet!_

After the war, ignoring book 6 and 7 of Harry Potter, Hermione is a successful business tycoon (or minister of magic) and Severus is still hated and scarred by the war. She is also scarred but hides it quite well. There was a falling out from Ron that is explained to make him look like an idiot (which in every Severus/Hermione Fanfiction, he is).

They meet coincidentally in muggle London, where they have small talk and Hermione can't get over the fact Snape is wearing JEANS. He was a half-blood after all, but since the sixth-book was ignored, Hermione does not know this.

They comfort each other over their losses from the war and BLAHBLAHBLAH. Hermione and Snape fall in love. At first Harry is furious but later accepts it because he is the loving friend.

Two months later the get married and HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Oh, and they have one girl who is in Ravenclaw. (Putting the child in Slytherin or Gryffindor would cause potential conflict, and the author is too lazy to do that and just wants' to finish the story.)

THE END.

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THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW??? :)

-thunderspeak


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